Lighthouse

Every night in the lighthouse, she watches
how the sea waves beat ceaselessly
with resounding echoes as they hit against the shores
Why do Waves’ life revolve around violent crashes, it is
a feat to survive live through a time of turbulence
a bigger accomplishment to live a mess yourself
How much disparity is felt, when she is
standing high above the troubled waters
looking down at the confused raging sea
Why do Waves life revolve around violent crashes, it is
beyond her understanding to comprehend
above her empathy to feel the same
Every night in the lighthouse, she watches
when the sea waves invade the shores persistently
as if, desiring to climb onto the lighthouse one day

Photo Courtesy: www.wallpaperup.com


A Gamble Through Academics- The Bet I’m Placing on Chinese

Granted: I am a gambler. I know victory is a fleeting thing in the gambling business. Today’s winers are tomorrow’s blinking roads, dumb bests with no hope. Ask me, gambling can turn into a dangerous two-way street when you least expect it. Weird things happen suddenly, and your life can go all to pieces.¹ One move, and you either make it or break it. The problem isn’t so much with winning. The problem is with losing. Before the game, the euphoria of the possibility of winning  will never match up to the anxiety stemming from your fear of losing. Gambling is a very dramatic thing.

My luck at the gambling table varies; sometimes I win half the times, sometimes I get it all wrong. But the lesson I’ve picked up through the years is: I’ve found that luck is quite predictable. If you want more luck, take more chances. Be more active.² The new always happens against the overwhelming odds of statistical laws and their probability, which for all practical, everyday purposes amounts to certainty; the new therefore always appears in the guise of a miracle.³

But also note, for some unknown reason the law of probability is much harsher in the gambling hall that it is at home. At 8am tomorrow, the game starts again. The game I play is a very different one you see at casinos. Instead, for the game I play, you receive beautiful, nice printed out sheets of paper, binded together, with Chinese characters printed on it. You’ve guessed it, its a Chinese examination. It is a 80 marks gamble. For every number you fill in correctly, you get 2 marks. For every minute you don’t keep your eyes on the paper, marks are lost too when you don’t complete the paper.

And good for me, like any casino game, it requires your fullest attention. Same, this is just a 3 hour paper that demands your fullest concentration. And just like you can’t ask to go to pee in the middle of your poker game with the dealer, there is no given time to answer to answer the call of nature (although there is a half an hour administrative break, well I’ve figured out possibly if you flood the exam floor, the teachers cleaning up might be part of an administrative task).

Wish me luck. I do not want to go back to gambling. I mean, but if I fail, then, gambling finds me.

References:

[1] -Hunter S. Thompson

[2] – Brian Tracy

[3] – Hannah Arendt

Author’s Note: It is my A levels Chinese examinations tomorrow. Hopefully it’d be the last time I’m ever speaking or writing this language. I sincerely appreciate all the insights this language gave me for 17 years of my life, so to the examination board, hopefully we end on a happy note. Give me a pass, and I’ll spare you from my horrendous use of this language


What is Perfect?

There are perfections
In the imperfections
No matter what circumstances
In the situations
We must face them with gladness.

There are imperfections
In the perfections
No matter the situations
In the circumstances
Even if its just a small portion

Only when this understanding is done,
Life’s journey will be seen as a truly memorable one.


They asked, and I didn’t know

When they ask me if I am in love with anybody, I will shake my head. I will not say her name, because I do not want anybody to know.

They’ll push me into describing her, nevertheless. I’ll tell them she is the kind of girl that you’ll fall in love easily, and irrationally, without any reason. You wouldn’t even notice the first day you started falling for her. Because you just do. There’s something about the way she smiles, and laughs; through your dark days her smile is like your sunshine, and during your happy days, her laughter is probably the reason for it. Being around her, feels just right, and for those moment, everything in your life feels just in-tact. I will tell them it feels so good, and words can’t describe it.

I’ll tell them that this all comes naturally effortless. I mean, the way she brightens up your day, and makes you smile stupidly to yourself, and all those little things, and you’d only realise how much you love her when its 3am, and you still try to hide your silent giggles because of what she said to you earlier on in school. Loving her is so irrational. I’ll tell them that, of all the times I tried to speak to her, maybe because of her awesomeness – no words came out, or the wrong ones do. I won’t tell them how much it hurts.

I won’t tell them how much I lose myself around her. I won’t tell them how much my heart breaks whenever others come around her so frequently, and I never had that chance too. I will leave out the fact, that I start to feel empty and numb immediately after, that I needed to feel something, so I felt the scarring emotional pains drumming the beats of my heart, and happiness confirms itself as an illusion.

I’ll leave out the things that is noteworthy about love. I’ll make love sound like its the best thing a person could ever ask for in his life, when I know it s just another beautiful way to destroy yourself.

~ ~ ~ ~

Maybe, it is really true. Love is a drug. It is addictive, and it harms you.

But my parents only warned me against those pills sold suspiciously in dark packs or bags in eerie secluded alleys. Never had they talked about the one with sparkling eyes, mesmerising voice, and a really beautiful soul.

Photo Courtesy: www.jackmegela.com


An Ocean in a Drop

We are just another one in many
just the same as any
alike as every-
one can be.

We are the social notions
Living life in accordance to our illusions
Our minds with inaccurate intuitions
We are just another drop in the ocean

But you, yes you, are the cream of the crop
an ocean in a drop.
Inspired by Rumi,
Photo courtesy: buildthefire.com


Even the Skies said “Sleep”.

I have those nights when I just need to spill my thoughts out from the wild fragmented debate that races through my mind; and the dark skies are my only audience. Sometimes, the swamp of ominous clouds reply, in the form of rain, maybe thunder, telling me to… sleep.

Author’s Note: Sleeping is indeed the best way to drown our sorrows.

Photo Courtesy: emshelley.deviantart.com


Chance

Chance
Noun

- A silent opportunity
to make things
right again.

It is
frequently missed, yet
painfully longed for
by guilty hearts; not ready to
change.

E.g. Chances, when missed, are never able to be found again.


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